Finding out myself

Happy Birthday Steve...

2008-09-06T05:49:00.001-07:00

What's on today?? oh ya..... 19 years ago in Elizabeth Hospital in Kota Kinabalu,Sabah, same day, don't know what time, don't know by gift or by accident, a baby was born...... named ONG CHE MENG!! and guess what?? That's me!! ^^

For the day like this, people usually will be receiving lots of presents or even it is only one, you're still receiving present. For the day like this, people usually will be having dinner with parents, friends, love one, relatives, etc. For the day like this, people are usually happy. As for me, belief it or not, none of this 3 basic things is happening to me. Oh well, there is 3 times I'm actually happy on my birthday. The rest of the 16 times? Ha ha ha... sigh.,

I remember(actually I don't want to remember) last time, I was at home, wondering if my family will celebrate my birthday for me, and so I wait see if there is a suprising one. I wait and wait and till end of the day, nothing happen, I was like so invisible from their eyes. Above all, I didn't receive any birthday wishes from others also. I was so upset that day that I wash my face with tears on that night. I think I'm around 13-14 years old. The day after that, I went up to my mum and ask her whether is she aware that yesterday is my birthday. Ofcause the answer is NO. My mum was like "OMG, Isit?! sorry my son, bla bla bla..". But actually I just want to 'inform' her that, yesterday is actually her son's birthday. I can feel my heart after i have voice it out. I went back to my room with smiling face after that, but when I closed my door and i lied down on my bed, my tears, drop. Happy Birthday Steve..

I stay in Sabah till 6 years old and after that, HELLO KUALA LUMPUR.
I hardly remember what i have gone through there, maybe cause I was too young??
But, there is one thing that I never can forget, it is also my birthday, it is my 5 years 'young''s birthday. I was so happy that my family is celebrating it for me(except my father is sleeping...) my mum cooked lots of food.. although have no presents, but the happiness in me is beyond.
And so, sibling all sing birthday song for me.... and then mum ask my go take the camera, I ran to my parent's room(my father is half awake) and I took the camera, right after i took it, i try to press and take 1 picture, just want to try whether it's with film(i was young so bit dumb). After pressing it there is a sound came out, is not like taking picture's sound, more like tape rewinding sound. My father suddenly get up, and take his belt and start whacking me like nobody business! He scold me, say why i press that button, it will delete all the pictures that have taken, and he continue whacking. Funny? You won't want know how hard does he whack me with the belt. My mum want to stop him, but as she do all the pulling and shouting and stuff my father whack even harder... then my father change the part of the belt, he use the METAL part to whack me, it so happen its hit in between of my eye, nearer to my left eye, and its bleed. He stops when he saw it, then he went back into the room. I cant stop crying, it was so hurt.. the mot hurts is in my heart. I mean, come on.. that's my birthday dad, I was just 5.. can you like teach me or at least warn me? or maybe you can do it tomorrow? That time I do not know that sound is actually film roll back's sound, it won't hurt or delete whatever pictures you have taken, and that's mean I did nothing wrong... But why? sigh. Happy Birthday Steve....

Even today, guess what is my dinner? You know mix rice? Me myself go 'tapao' and eat alone in my room...damn.... There no people in my house, only my mum and dad(=.=). *Sigh* But i thank those who send my birthday wishes, from the bottom of my heart, thank you. Happy Birthday Steve...

If there really a wish given for my birthday, I would wish..I wish for a Happy Birthday.
*tears drops*

Happy Birthday Steve....

Sry la..

2008-09-02T06:47:00.000-07:00

Haiz.... I'm suppose to 'date' with one of my friend(almost half a year didn't meet her. She one of my best fren.) yesterday, but i screwed up with my coll's assignment. I'm suppose to hand draw and draw it again in illustrator, need to do 3 pieces. I was doing the last piece, when I was 70% done, I thought of continueing it the next day, but then i closed it without saving it... i was like @^%#$^%#@@#^$&@&#^%&^@% all the way.. cause it takes me hours to do it.. so er.... yea... DA....MN.......

Well, here's the tattoo that I did, coloring bit....but watever la..

Moving On....

2008-08-26T23:32:00.000-07:00

My shattered dreams and broken heart
Are mending on the shelf
I saw you holding hands, standing close to someone else
Now I sit all alone wishing all my feeling was gone
I gave my best to you, nothing for me to do
But have one last cry

One last cry, before I leave it all behind
I’ve gotta put you outta my mind this time
Stop living a lie
I guess I’m down to my last cry

Cry......

I was here, you were there
Guess we never could agree
While the sun shines on you
I need some love to rain on me
Still I sit all alone, wishing all my feeling was gone
Gotta get over you, nothing for me to do
But have one last cry

One last cry, before I leave it all behind
I’ve gotta put you outta my mind this time
Stop living a lie
I know I gotta be strong
Cause round my life goes on and on and on
And on.....

I’m gonna dry my eyes
Right after I had my
One last cry

One last cry, before I leave it all behind
I’ve gotta put you outta my mind for the very last time
Been living a lie
I guess I’m down
I guess I’m down

Speaking of my heart (finally)

2008-08-24T10:13:00.000-07:00

Today, I've finally tell the girl that I've like for quite sometime(few months), I finally tell her that how much i love her. I tell her not because I wanna be with her(I wanted too, but, well, just keep on reading and you will know), I just don't want to keep that in my heart anymore, so I decided to tell her. Who? For you to find out and for me to know^^ Is she hot? Well, I would say, why don't you compare her with angels? Because she look just the same. Except she cant fly because no wing? But, when ever I saw her, I am flying.(wow.....)
In my life experience so far, falling in love with a girl for me is as hard as getting A in Sejarah(ppl like me get a B in Sejarah last time, I will like, run the class few rounds and shout!! During SPM now college already). And yet I meet her. =) Every time I saw her I will feel happy,it is very strange when you don't even know her you will felt it that way, but yea, I really got that kinda feelings. Everyday I tend to stare at her(in a way that she didn't know) in the college if she ever got class. That time haven't got the guts to open conversation with her, you guys will know it, when you meet some people you like, your action tend to be a bit fearful, right , right??More and more I don't even know her yet. But actually that time I already know her name, age, where she stay, and stuff.. He he... At that moment I'm also having lots of college work, and I've got other things to busy with also. So I just forget about meeting her first, but the only thing that I will never forget is "I love her".
One day, me with my friend waiting for bus at the station, and I saw her standing there. I was like, 'Shit! she's there! I'm gonna get her number man!" I told my friend. But when I were standing right there, I cant tell how coward am I. =.= I was like standing there.. looking around.. looking at my watch(is ellese!) pressing my phone.. act like got some messages.. Ha ha! But after awhile, I just 'put' everything off and say, 'hey, I dint go your name!' And there I got her name, and it is"- - - - - -" Ha ha! And chat awhile with her. I ask those question that I already know the answer.. "waiting parents?" "Where do you stay?" bla bla bla.. Ha ha! I saw her smiling, and I cant tell how sweet it is, and she is so cute^^
After 1 or 2 weeks after that day, was in college again. I was there early morning for some meeting, I was sitting there waiting, I was still so tired, and I saw her! One of the happiest things that I can think of is that seeing your love one every morning/day. I really hope that day will come across me soon^^ She walked out after say hi and looking through the time schedule. Then I walk out wanted to chat with her,but, this part hurts a bit, I saw her stand close with one guy beside one car. @.@ After that I just walk back in sadly.. and continue waiting all the late comers.. Know what? They should call THE LATE bla bla bla! ha ha! ..... sigh... that scene give me a damn bad feeling about I will face failure soon. I keep searching just want to take a look a her... After my meeting and class is over, I went to student gallery, there's the place where student can sit relax and do their stuff if they want to. and I saw her! I was with my friend again((same with the bus station that one. We always together. I'm not gay(very obvious), and my friend already got girl friend)), he know bout I like this girl, he is like "oi, want me help u take her number not?!" And I was like"ShhhHHhhhhh..." after my friend was gone, then only I go to her. So daring suddenly? I don't know... natural action actually. she look at me and say that today she meet me quite often, I wanted to tell her that it is because I've been looking for her. She was there with another friend or mine too. so than we chat. And I get her number(that is after turning a damn big round then only got her number)!! he he! That time she was like keep sms-ing and stuff.. And her face while sms-ing tell me that that's not a good sign for me.. At last!
A tall(taller then me..shit!), well build(damn.....), good looking(then me? don't think so man....). She says 'This is my boyfriend.' at that moment of time, i suddenly got two hearts! Why? It broke... You know i really wanna...@%^#that guy.. u know... But..after see-ing the size and stuff.. I was like, hmmmmmm.... well, better don't break them you know... not that i don't dare.. is I don't want too.. it is damn bad to break a couple you know... so after her Bf left, we continue the conversation, I was like smiling smiling... but she never know how painful inside of me is... I took bus home after that. I was so emo.. even on the floor got $$...OF CAUSE I will take dude! Think what end of the world? although I feel sad, but, when I saw the way she look at her Bf, can see how happy she is.. and the smile is so sweet, naturally I fell better. Cause if the happiness in me in triple of hers. As long as she happy, contentment I fell.
In life time, many sad things that happens and will make some people fell down, sad etc. Some times this kinda of feeling will make somebody do something that will hurt him/herself. It all depends on how u manage your feelings. The only reason that you want curtain people with you is because you like him/her and want to make her feel happy and things like that, if come to situation such like mine, I rather be sad alone then more people hurts, at least I know she is happy right now. I don't fell it is good if I've got her from break her with other guys, and if turn the situation around, if its happen to me myself, I wouldn't fell good. Is either you wait, or you move on. As for me, I will wait and move on^^

Wishing every happiness fall into her life,
tears drops cause of joy,
and I love you..

About me - Cont'

2008-08-21T11:59:00.000-07:00

well... I wanna try whether i still remember what i had done in the past.. hehe....
before that.... lets see how i look last time....

oukay... dun mistaken that black thingy is my mole or stuff.. is some kinda dust..
hmmm... this pic probably standard 3?? is kinda blur i know...
but leng zai mou??

ok, lets Move ON~~~(fast forward abit... cause i cant found my pic ATM)

YES u r right... middle that 1... i look....... well nvm, at least i'm better now right? hahaha
i use to famous in snare drumming^^ wana learn?? i teach u lo..... =.=

ou kay..... lets talk about secondary sch time!!!
this are some of my classmate and wat we go.... ------->

haha~~ cant see probably??

ok den lets bring it closer....

THA DA~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
yup! I was suppose to be the second class... and this's wat second class did during sch time^^
soooOOoooo damn COOL isnt it^^
well... i got more pics. but is with my desktop, but i cant switch it on la.. swt...
anyway..... normal days, we will listen(sleep...MP3/4...) to teacher while he/she is teaching,
we pass up home work on time(NEVER!!), we take down notes(SMS~ read magazine..etc etc), we serve(BULLY!!) teacher faithfully, we wait teacher patiently(turn the class up side down) when switching teacher.
with all this...I can say that, we are all very nice and responsible students^^
Aren't we?

for who you are is not how people look at you
But is how you make people look at you

stand higher, aim higher, be stronger
be YOURSELF...

1st blog ever

2008-08-20T02:17:00.000-07:00

wow.. guess what? i never thought of myself actually is blogging.. Cause never in my mind so far that says i will share feeling and thought in words. @@

well anyway.. since this is the 1st one.. so...this is me.

funny?? joker?? fun?? adorable?? crazy?? stupid?? nothing better to do??
YES !!! u r absolutely RIGHT! wahaha!!
i'm a 19yrs old guy...SINGLE(hi girls~) love to have fun~~ i drive myself crazy when i was high and when i'm suppose to.. i cant stop talking when i want to.. but watever come out is always crap! lol!!

HmmmmMMmmmm wat i like to do???

drumming..(i play any drum), music..... sing....

beach walking.. swimming...throw u into water...

go out...lepak..

oukay.... something different now! sometimes i will also..........

ACT COOL!!! (attually i'm jz being myself.....) ou yea....
haha..~~
i'm studying at I.A.C.T(click) studying Mass Communication,planning to major in P.R and event management. I start coll this year. cause i took a year off after SPM. And I was in a musical! last year.. I act as a bad guy @.@ i killed a guy.. and that guy actually come back as an angel and actually talk to his fren again... and they also actually sing song together... lol........... but it was fun.. meanningfull.. ^^

ou yea... add me at MSN - bb3rdklsteve@hotmail.com chat CHAT CHAT!!!

Life is not a destiny, Life is a journey.
we starts at the same starting point,
we walk different direction,
but we meet at the same finishing point.